Road Trip 1 - Dear DC Metro Area, Please Learn How to Drive

I tend to say one of several things when I’m frustrated with certain tedium. One: “I’m gonna poke my eyeballs out with a stick” accompanied by matching hand gestures. Two: “That makes me want to slam my head against a wall.” Three: “I’m gonna start clawing at the WALLS!!” Being stuck in traffic on southbound 95 headed out of DC on Friday morning made me want to simultaneously do all three. Add to this seismic stomach cramps, a misbehaving nerve ending in my right leg provoked by repeated brake-gas-brake motions, and American drivers’ absolute inability to efficiently merge, and our road trip was NOT off to a good start. We made it to Williamsburg in a record five hours; a trip that normally takes three. Welcome to... Awesome Town.