Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Dear Life, Please Start Making Sense

China - South Carolina - Mexico - Chicago - Austria - California - Germany - Hawaii - Budapest

This, ladies and gents, is what my Christmas card list looks like. I mean, I'm not gonna toot my own horn or anything, but that's kinda cool. Ok, so maybe I am (toot, toot!).  There are times that I love my international lifestyle.  Other times, it just exhausts me. I had a friend ask me Saturday night if I was finding what I was looking for in all of my traveling. The momentum of my forthcoming response slammed into a concrete retaining wall. I'm not entirely sure, but if memory serves, I stared at the cement floor for a beat. I shrugged my shoulders, gave my 'whatever' face and said, "Yeah, I don't really know what I'm looking for. I figure one of these days I'll just trip over it and be irritated for a second that I stubbed my toe." Then I laughed a little, somewhat awkwardly.

I have to say, though, that two-second slice of conversation has had me moving through molasses ever since. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who thinks about life in such agonizing detail. It's as if I'm afraid one small, wrong decision is going to send me spiraling down into a dark abyss of unfulfillment. If I could describe my life in one word, it would be SIGH. Those four letters just about sum it up. I'm finding out there's a reason this is the road less traveled. Because it's freakin' hard! (whine, moan, complain). Alright, that's it, I'm done. I'm gonna go eat ice cream now and contemplate the color of the walls.

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